I first heard of this concept of “strong back, soft front” while listening to Brene Brown’s ‘Unlocking Us’ podcast with Elizabeth Lesser (author, co-founder of Omega Institute). Lesser was explaining how she learned this from Roshi Joan Halifax, a Buddhist teacher.
A week later, I heard this teaching again as Brene herself was talking about it on ‘Unlocking Us’. (Can you tell I’m a B.B. fan?) In this episode, she was recollecting the wisdom shared by Joan Halifax when she’d first met her. She went on to read from Halifax’s book, ‘Being With Dying: Cultivating Compassion and Fearlessness in the Presence of Death’, which is where the reference comes from.
All too often our so-called strength comes from fear, not love. Instead of having a strong back, many of us have a defended front, shielding a weak spine. In other words, we walk around brittle and defensive, trying to conceal our lack of confidence. If we strengthen our backs, metaphorically speaking, and develop a spine that’s flexible but sturdy, then we can risk having a front that’s soft and open.
How can we give and accept care with strong back, soft front, compassion, moving past fear to a place of genuine tenderness? I believe it comes when we can be truly transparent, seeing the world clearly and letting the world see into us.
While Halifax shares this in the context of working with dying people, it can easily be applied to life in general. For me “strong back, soft heart” has become a timely battle cry. It reminds me of how I want to show up in life and has become one of my “go-to” affirmations when I need to balance equanimity with compassion.
How we actually implement this teaching may vary from person to person. For me, it often takes the form of literally adjusting my posture so that I’m standing taller with a lifted, strong spine… and then taking a few slow, smooth, full breaths to bring soft awareness around my heart space.
I invite you to explore this concept in your own life. And if you feel like sharing your reflections, please do! May we all live fully and freely with strong backs and soft fronts.