This is the time of year when we are focused on giving – whether it is gifts for our loved ones, charitable offerings, our well wishes, etc.… With the spirit of the season, we even feel more inclined to “lend a hand” to a stranger or give a compliment to someone.
And while learning how to GIVE is an important practice, not only for the holidays but also for our on-going personal growth, learning how to RECEIVE is just as important. And that, for many of us, is not as easy!
I’ll give you my own example. There were times in the past when someone would compliment me and I would immediately say something like “It’s not a big deal” or “Thank you, but I really didn’t do much.” Instead of wholeheartedly accepting the compliment, I would minimize it or even dismiss it.
Or when I received help from someone – whether it was advice, a favor or even a gift – I would immediately think about what I could do to “pay him/her back”. I always felt like I didn’t want to “owe” anyone.
Then one year, I was attending a course given by one of my yoga teachers and this concept of “receiving” was brought up. It was then that I realized how I had been doing a big disservice not only to myself, but also to all those people who had tried to give me something.
My teacher explained that some of the reasons that we have difficulty with Receiving are because we feel…
– guilty or inadequate (I don’t deserve this)
– entitled and therefore not fully appreciative (I should have received this anyway)
– afraid of whether we can reciprocate (Now I have to do something in return)
– unsure of the giver’s intention (What’s the catch?)
– inferior when we accept favors (I shouldn’t have to ask for help).
Certainly, we must first be able to discern between what I will call “genuine giving” vs. “gifts with baggage”. Once that is done, we must recognize the beautiful balance between Giving and Receiving.
Think of how you feel when you give a gift to someone and he/she is truly excited to use it! Think about when you help or teach someone and he/she shows genuine gratitude for the service or teachings. How does it make us feel to Give and have it Received wholeheartedly? It feels GREAT! In fact, that is why many of us like to give… because it makes us feel good. Giving allows us the chance to participate in the service of others in our own unique way.
By not allowing ourselves to genuinely receive (receive without attaching any of those added thoughts/emotions listed above), we do not allow others the opportunity to give! We do them a disservice by quashing their goodwill and their chance to serve.
This lesson hit me like a bolt and I began to reflect on why I could not fully “receive”. I began to acknowledge my insecurities and fears around receiving, and apply yoga practices of awareness, deep breathing and surrender to come to terms with them.
Over time I was able to release these feelings and allow myself to truly accept and enjoy a compliment or a favor. I was able to wholeheartedly embrace a gift or the intention behind a gift and share in the giver’s joy of giving!
This season, I invite you to check-in with yourself when you are on the receiving end of a gift, favor, or compliment… and if you don’t feel completely open to the Receiving, take a few DEEP BREATHS and see if you can allow yourself to surrender any judgments around it. Then, give yourself permission to simply and fully EMBRACE it. It may take some time, as it did for me, but once you are able to experience that balance between GIVING and RECEIVING, you open yourself to greater depths of enjoyment for both!